H.E.R.

H.E.R. is the reason I won't ever be pregnant again. You can read about it here: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/05152012hyperemesis-gravidarum-is-not-just-morning-sickness/

Reading this today reminded me of the many days I laid on the couch last year watching O learn to play by himself, learn new words, laugh at Kipper or stare blankly at the TV.  I am also reminded that I missed so much and cannot remember so much! I didn't have the energy to record any of it or even to find out what milestones I might have been missing. I am reminded of the food I couldn't eat, the food I tried to eat, and the seemingly elusive energy that was never in my grasp.

I also can look down at my arms and see the remnants of ecsema that almost covered my body. The hubs had to wake up in the middle of the night and scratch my back so I could have some relief. The doctor's visits, the dermatologist's visits and the medicines I prayed wouldn't effect the little bun in my oven.

And if I really focus I can remember every minute of labor.

I hated it all. I didn't want it and some days resented it. And felt tremendous guilt for those feelings. But today I mourn that I will never do it again. Because in the end, I was blessed with another baby to love and care for. To laugh with and smile at and to share tears (many, many tears in such a short time!) with.

I am blessed. I am thankful. And by God's grace and strength I did it! :)

"Happy" H.E.R. Day.